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Mastering the Balance of Being Liked and Being a Leader



Stepping into a managerial role within the bustling world of hospitality can feel like walking a tightrope. Balancing the desire to be liked with the weighty responsibilities of leadership is a challenge many new managers in hotels, restaurants, coffee shops, and bars face. It's a natural inclination to seek approval and foster a positive environment, yet leadership often requires making decisions that might not win everyone's favor 🎯.


This weeks article draws upon the wisdom of Stephen M. R. Covey "The Speed of Trust," Jim Sullivan "Fundamentals," and 17 years of dedicated effort towards embodying the principles of good leadership.


Some of the gems WHY Hospitality draws its wisdom from including Stephen M. R. Covey "The Speed of Trust," Jim Sullivan "Fundamentals," 


The Essence of Leadership: Embracing the Uncomfortable

Leadership isn't about popularity; it's about guiding your team toward excellence, even when it means making tough choices. Stretching your team's capabilities, setting ambitious goals, and resolving conflicts are all part of the journey. These actions, while potentially uncomfortable, are crucial for fostering innovation and unlocking diverse thinking in the hospitality sector 💡.


The Art of Feedback: Building Trust Through Honest Conversations

One of the most powerful tools in a leader's arsenal is the ability to provide honest, empathetic feedback. Mastering this art can transform your team's dynamic, paving the way for high performance and mutual trust. Avoiding these conversations can stunt growth, both for your team and your leadership journey.


There is no greater disrespect to a person than allowing them to remain in a job where peers don’t respect them and they’re not viewed as successful - Fundamentals by Jim Sullivan

A Framework for Courageous Leadership

Here are five lenses to reframe your approach to difficult conversations, turning them into opportunities for growth and trust-building within the hospitality context:

Duty of Care: Your primary responsibility is to support your team's well-being and professional development 🌱.


Tip: Schedule regular one-on-one meetings with your staff to discuss not only their performance but also their well-being. In the fast-paced hospitality industry, showing genuine concern for your team’s mental health and job satisfaction can significantly boost morale and loyalty. 🌱


Chasing Excellence: A high-performing team is built on challenging and coaching each member to unleash their full potential 🏆.

Tip: Develop a cross-training program that allows team members to experience different roles within your establishment. This not only enhances their skills but also fosters a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's roles, driving excellence across all service areas. 🏆


Opportunity for Growth: Providing feedback is a gift that can significantly alter someone's career path for the better 🔍.

Tip: Use guest feedback as a teaching tool, highlighting both positive remarks and areas for improvement in a constructive manner. This real-world feedback can be incredibly motivating and informative for staff, guiding them on their path to career enhancement. 🔍


Culture of Performance: Addressing performance issues is key to maintaining a culture of excellence and attracting top talent in hospitality 🌟.

Tip: Implement a recognition program that highlights outstanding employee contributions in front of their peers, whether it’s for exceptional customer service or innovation in improving operations. Celebrating these victories can inspire excellence and set a benchmark for performance. 🌟


Tough Love: Sometimes, letting someone go is the most responsible decision, but only after you've provided all the support you could 🛡️.

Tip: Ensure that any decision to part ways with a team member is made with compassion and after thorough support efforts, like personalized coaching or performance improvement plans. In hospitality, where team dynamics are crucial, this approach preserves morale and shows your commitment to fair leadership. 🛡️ 


Respect Over Popularity

As you navigate the complexities of leadership in the hospitality industry, let respect guide your decisions. Listening, understanding, and then acting in what you believe is right lays the foundation for strong, trust-based relationships. Ultimately, leadership is about making a difference, not being liked 👥.


Cultivating Trust Through Emotional Bank Accounts

At WHY Hospitality, we emphasise the importance of Emotional Bank Accounts (EBAs) - a metaphor for the trust and goodwill we build in our relationships, especially within the dynamic environment of hospitality. Regular deposits of empathy, integrity, and respect are essential for these accounts to flourish 🌼.


Top Tips to Build Your Emotional Bank Account in Hospitality


  • Understand the Individual: Active listening and empathy are key. Each interaction is an opportunity to understand your team members' perspectives and feelings deeply.

  • Keep Commitments: Reliability builds trust. Ensure you follow through on your promises, reinforcing your dependability.

  • Clarify Expectations: Clear communication prevents misunderstandings. By setting clear expectations, you foster a transparent and trusting environment.

  • Attend to the Little Things: Small gestures of kindness and appreciation can significantly impact your relationships, showing your team that you value and respect them.

  • Show Personal Integrity: Consistency in your actions and words promotes a culture of honesty and integrity, strengthening the team's trust in your leadership.

  • Apologize When Necessary: Owning up to mistakes and sincerely apologizing can replenish your EBA, demonstrating accountability and humility.


Leadership is getting results in a way that inspires trust. It’s maximizing both your current contribution and your ability to contribute in the future by establishing the trust that makes it possible.” - Stephen M.R. Covey

Embrace the Leadership Journey with Courage and Integrity

As we journey together through the landscape of hospitality leadership, remember that the path to greatness is paved with the courage to face challenges head-on, the wisdom to listen deeply, and the integrity to act with authenticity. Let your leadership be a beacon of hope, trust, and resilience, inspiring those around you to reach for their highest potential. Together, we can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary, fostering an environment where trust thrives, relationships flourish, and success is not just achieved but exceeded 🌈✨.


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